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Puppy Periodical?

It is confession time… we let our puppies sleep on the bed, both of them. In fact we encourage them to come up and cuddle with us. They have joyfully engaged in this activity for quite some time too. They are starting to grow up a bit. Soon they will be one year old. Maybe that is the equivalent of teenage in dog years?

All of a sudden our boy dog had decided that he’d rather be under the bed, not on top where we can pet him and he can interact with us. His little sister still claims her spot, squarely in the middle where she can stretch out and poke either or both of us simultaneously, with her warm little paws.  Each evening, we coax and call but sadly, we were not able to induce him up onto the bed. My Hubby is troubled by this perceived snub, but I said “what can he be doing down there anyway?”

Our Puppy Manners trainers both stated that dogs are “den animals” and staying in crates actually was comforting to them. We’d both snorted with laughter when she was not looking. If she could see the cavernous holes our pups have been digging in the back yard, Ms. Puppy Manners would be shocked! I have literally gone out and seen nothing but the curly tip of my 50 pound Elk hound boy’s tail sticking up from a recent excavation project. Our female has burrowed so far under the deck on the lower yard; I thought she’d somehow managed to escape over the fence!  Only after hearing her brother’s worried yelps as he paced back and forth, did she poke her little nose out from her lair under the deck.

“He’s probably down there with a flash light and some issues of Playboy.” Hubby seemed to know what teen boys would engage in when they were feeling a need for some privacy and this translated well to our adolescent canine.

I laughed aloud! I was amused and then even more intrigued.  “What would those magazines be called?” I challenged him to come up with some magazine names to fit the scenario.

Puppy Porno? No, too easy and a bit trite” he said ” How about Bad Dog?”  I just giggled… I could see we were not going to go to sleep any time soon!

“Or here is one with a double entendre: Doggie Style!” We were on a roll. Laughing with hilarity he said ” How about Haunch! … or Rub My Belly (till my leg starts twitching) as the byline”.  I scrambled out of bed to find my trusty writers notebook and a pen. Some of these were gems and I didn’t want to drift off to sleep without committing them to paper.

“Would In Heat be too tasteless?” Or “Come”? I was rolling on the floor, sobbing with at this point..”How about BITCHES IN HEAT?” I gasped. “His little sister could be the centerfold”. Our female Elk Hound, like most of her sister pooches, loves to lie on her back, displaying her crotch to the whole world! She had developed a tan line this summer; she’d exposed her tummy so often. We joke that she wants to be a Nurse when she grows up. She tends to home in on any of our wounds and licks them until they are properly healed, in her opinion anyway. It is the only treatment she subscribes to. A vision popped into my head of “Nurse Elkie” the featured Bitch of the Month in one of her brother’s magazines.  The quote under her photo spread would be “Hi I’m Elkie.  I’d like to lick you all over!” Here is our Hottie, all wrapped up and ready to be your holiday hound!

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OK, no more big bowls of chocolate chip espresso gelato before bed time! This magazine naming collaborative was going “to the dogs” if you’ll pardon the pun.

Both of us are huge fans of Mel Brooks classic “Young Frankenstein. Hubby recalled the “Voof!” comment made by Inga. This truly would be a great title too, we both agreed.

So you won’t have to leave this site to go and look it up…here is the context:

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: For the experiment to be a success, all of the body parts must be enlarged.

Inga: In other vords: his veins, his feet, his hands, and his organs vould all have to be increased in size.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Exactly.

Inga: He vould have an enormous schwanzstucker.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: That goes without saying.

Inga: Voof!

Readers, if you are still on the blog after all of this crazy and tasteless commentary.. feel free to add your own suggestions for the magazine name!

I am going to try and get some sleep.

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